"What do you mean, 10,000 rabbits? Has the volunteer centre been converted to a warren?"
"No sir, I'm afraid it's not a case of live rabbits. These are, erm, of a more personal nature."
- Personal? For whom? My name is now being associated with rabbits in the tabloids and you cannot even explain why the volunteer centre is being overrun by rodents! What is this? Watership Down? All creatures great and small?
- Ah, actually rabbits are herbivorous mammals sir, not rodents, but the ones we have taken delivery of here do not exactly subscribe to that category either. They are of a more, erm, sexual nature..
- Sexual? What do you mean man, sexual? Everyone knows what rabbits do, for crying out loud! 'At it like rabbits' - where do you think that came from? Rabbits, goodness sake, what next? And how did this happen? The phone is ringing off the hook with those pestiferous tabloid journalists going on and on about turning my volunteer centre into a den of sexual perversion. I mean, rabbits! Whose idea was that?
- Actually these are battery operated ones sir.
- Hah! Even worse, we are turning into an energiser advertisement.
- And they are pink sir.
- Well, I'm all for the gay vote Colin, but this really is a step too far.
- And they vibrate sir.
- Vibrate? Vibrate? Is this another joke? Pink, battery-operated, vibrating rabbits? We run a volunteer research centre Colin, for the greater purpose of collating statistics about the impact of my proposals to the House of Commons regarding sterilising lower income individuals who are incapable of living other than on state benefits and handouts!
- Yes sir, I know sir, but it would appear this was an unexpected delivery that caught everyone off guard. Even the van driver was mortified. Well, actually he was highly amused, but still mortified.
- Mortified? Mortified? Colin, I am the person who is being portrayed as a hypocrite here and who should be mortified! My good name, and that of my constituents - who, might I remind you, are funding this research center - is being sullied by a delivery of rabbits! This is not a country estate Colin, what on earth was going through your mind when accepting a delivery of rabbits?
- Like I said, Sir Percy, they are not live rabbits sir.
- Yes, yes I heard Colin, pink battery-operated vibrating rabbits. Toys. Probably cheap imports from China or India and no doubt the fruit of child labour.
- Adult toys actually sir. Which is why the tabloids are running with the story. They are vibrators sir. Actually rabbit would be a misnomer sir as they do not resemble the animal bar a marginal similarity by possessing what looks like an ear. Sir? Hello? Sir Percy?
"No sir, I'm afraid it's not a case of live rabbits. These are, erm, of a more personal nature."
- Personal? For whom? My name is now being associated with rabbits in the tabloids and you cannot even explain why the volunteer centre is being overrun by rodents! What is this? Watership Down? All creatures great and small?
- Ah, actually rabbits are herbivorous mammals sir, not rodents, but the ones we have taken delivery of here do not exactly subscribe to that category either. They are of a more, erm, sexual nature..
- Sexual? What do you mean man, sexual? Everyone knows what rabbits do, for crying out loud! 'At it like rabbits' - where do you think that came from? Rabbits, goodness sake, what next? And how did this happen? The phone is ringing off the hook with those pestiferous tabloid journalists going on and on about turning my volunteer centre into a den of sexual perversion. I mean, rabbits! Whose idea was that?
- Actually these are battery operated ones sir.
- Hah! Even worse, we are turning into an energiser advertisement.
- And they are pink sir.
- Well, I'm all for the gay vote Colin, but this really is a step too far.
- And they vibrate sir.
- Vibrate? Vibrate? Is this another joke? Pink, battery-operated, vibrating rabbits? We run a volunteer research centre Colin, for the greater purpose of collating statistics about the impact of my proposals to the House of Commons regarding sterilising lower income individuals who are incapable of living other than on state benefits and handouts!
- Yes sir, I know sir, but it would appear this was an unexpected delivery that caught everyone off guard. Even the van driver was mortified. Well, actually he was highly amused, but still mortified.
- Mortified? Mortified? Colin, I am the person who is being portrayed as a hypocrite here and who should be mortified! My good name, and that of my constituents - who, might I remind you, are funding this research center - is being sullied by a delivery of rabbits! This is not a country estate Colin, what on earth was going through your mind when accepting a delivery of rabbits?
- Like I said, Sir Percy, they are not live rabbits sir.
- Yes, yes I heard Colin, pink battery-operated vibrating rabbits. Toys. Probably cheap imports from China or India and no doubt the fruit of child labour.
- Adult toys actually sir. Which is why the tabloids are running with the story. They are vibrators sir. Actually rabbit would be a misnomer sir as they do not resemble the animal bar a marginal similarity by possessing what looks like an ear. Sir? Hello? Sir Percy?